Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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