Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
