my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You need Xanax blowdarts
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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