I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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