Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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