Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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