I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
