You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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