you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
