He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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