Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
