Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
