final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Maybe he injected his testicle?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
