those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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