Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
