I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
