i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
