Me. At least after what I've been through.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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