Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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