Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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