please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
