i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
