First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Someone signed my nipple.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
