I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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