i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
