it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
