someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
