Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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