i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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