I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
