I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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