So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
