I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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