i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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