You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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