i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
