he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
