it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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