idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
