When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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