I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
