she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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