well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
