I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
