Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
