okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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