i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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