Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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