you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
