i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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