There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
