I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
