Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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