I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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