you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
