Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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