Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Come share oat with me in your robe
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
