if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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