he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
