I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
