before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
